


Nothing to talk about

by AngelsFallFirst



Category: Nightwish
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-23 03:22:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23004961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelsFallFirst/pseuds/AngelsFallFirst
Summary: First she thought they had nothing to talk about. But then she realised that they had a lot to talk about.
Relationships: Tarja Turunen/Tuomas Holopainen
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Nothing to talk about

**December 24th 2011**

It was warm in Argentina. Hot, to be exact. Tarja, who had been raised in a cold country, still hadn't gotten used to the warm Christmas they've been celebrating together over the last years. And next year they would be three ...  
Tarja still hadn't told him. Not that he didn't like or want children, no, Marcelo had two sons already and he would definitely be thrilled to have a child with her. But what if something happened? Tarja had read horror stories about miscarriages and that they were quite common, so she didn't want to tell her husband until it was for sure that she'd have a baby.  
No ... they'd have a baby.  
Tarja was busy with writing new songs and planning ahead. Even though she had just published an album a year ago, had been touring around for some Christmas concerts and planned to record a live album the following year, she couldn't rest. She was non stop writing nowadays and now that the pregnancy was in the way ... well, let's just say that Tarja Turunen was planning her whole next year ahead. The baby should be born in August, which meant that she needed to take a break for at least ... two months? Probably. And the live album should be recorded before ... maybe in April or May?  
Tarja stared out of the window, praying that her plan would work out. She had never wanted to become a mother but as soon as she closed her eyes, she could imagine herself with a little baby in her arms. And she could feel that she wanted it. This child would complete her life.  
A little noise in her computer made her open her eyes and she opened her mail account.  
And what she saw took her breath away.  
Her heart started to race and her body started trembling as she saw the name of the man who had sent her a mail.  
 _Tuomas Holopainen._  
This had to be a prank. Without thinking and without checking, she deleted the message and regretted it only a second later. Why should it have been a prank? Why should Tuomas send her a prank mail? It had to be him, no one else could find out her mail address. She cursed herself for not checking his mail address but now it was too late.  
She went to the deleted messages but it was gone. Marcelo had changed the options in her mails, making it possible for her (and for him) to delete spam mails immediately and forever. Tarja sighed.  
Well, damn.

**August 17th 2012**

Tarja was holding Naomi, looking at her with soft eyes. She loved to look at the baby, her one and only. She felt her heart turn warm whenever she looked at her and her mood become calm.  
She loved her so, so much. She hadn't even invited anyone for her birthday because she didn't want to wake Naomi.  
"Naomi," she whispered and leant down, touching the baby's nose with her own. "I love you ..."  
She had shut off the sound of her mobile phone so the constant ringing wouldn't disturb her baby's sleep. But she picked up every call, everyone who wished her a nice birthday.  
And that was the reason why she didn't see the new mail immediately.  
She saw it, after she had ended a call with her brother Toni. She carried Naomi to her bed and put her down carefully, sat down on a chair next to it and swiped through her apps.  
And her mail app said **1 new** **mail** **.**  
Tarja wondered who of her friends would write but not call her and froze when she saw the name again.  
 _Tuomas Holopainen._  
Her thumb immediately moved to the little trash bucket next to the message but then she remembered how much she had regretted it last year.  
With a beating heart she pressed on the message - and revealed a very short message.

_Hello, Tarja._   
_I saw you have a kid now. Congratulations from me and the band._   
_Also_ _we wish you a very happy_ _birthday_ _._   
_Regards, Tuomas & Co_

"What?" Tarja whispered angrily and now immediately deleted the message. Unbelievable! No apology, nothing, just like they had been friends over the last years.  
She shook her head and decided to forget about it. Tuomas wouldn't succeed to ruin her birthday.

**August 17th 2013**

Tarja was almost surprised as exactly a year later she found another message from Tuomas in her mail box. After some minutes of inner fighting she decided to open it. Maybe he had to say more. And really, this time the message seemed to be by Tuomas only.

_Hello, Tarja._   
_Once_ _again I_ _wish_ _you_ _a very happy birthday and a very nice day spent with_ _your_ _family. I hope things are going well_ _over_ _there._   
_Greetings,_ _Tuomas_ _._

Tarja felt guilty that she never congratulated him for his birthday nor ever replied to his messages. With a bad conscience she decided to send him a message on his birthday.  
Before deleting the message, she saved his mail address in her contacts, hoping that Marcelo wouldn't check her contacts. He wouldn't like that she had his mail address.

**December 25th 2013**

_Hi,_ _Tuomas_ _._  
 _I'm_ _sorry_ _I_ _haven't_ _replied_ _earlier but_ _I_ _just_ _didn't_ _know_ _what_ _to_ _write_ _._  
 _Now_ _it's_ _my turn to wish_ _you_ _a happy birthday and - of_ _course_ _\- merry Christmas._  
 _Things are going well_ _over_ _here_ _, thank you._ _Hope_ _the_ _same_ _goes_ _for_ _you!_  
 _Tarja._

Tarja read it again. Short, not very personal and objective. Yes, perfect.  
With a beating heart Tarja sent it.  
And Tuomas actually replied on the same day, only a few hours later.

 _Hi, Tarja,_  
 _thank you_ _for_ _thinking of me on_ _my_ _birthday_ _. I as well wish you merry_ _Christmas_ _. I'm glad things are okay, what_ _about_ _your_ _little_ _one_ _?_ _Naomi_ _, is it?_

Tarja realised that he wanted an answer. Of course he only meant it in a nice way but why? Why was he so nice of a sudden? He hadn't even apologised! Never.  
She started to type but then she decided not to.  
Why, who was he to start a conversation about her daughter, the daughter of her and Marcelo, the man he obviously despised?  
What would she write even?  
 _"Yes, Naomi._ _She's_ _one_ _and a half years_ _now_ _and the light of my_ _life_ _..."_  
As far as she knew, Tuomas really wasn't interested in kids.  
She deleted the draft after deciding not to text him.

**August 17th 2014**

_Hello again, Tarja._  
 _I'm_ _very sorry_ _if_ _I_ _went too far last time by_ _asking_ _about_ _your_ _daughter_ _._ _I'm_ _just very_ _happy_ _for_ _you_ _._  
 _Once_ _again_ _I_ _wish_ _you_ _a_ _very_ _happy birthday and a nice celebration._  
 _And greetings from the guys._  
 _Tuomas._

Tarja couldn't believe that he had texted her again. And that he had actually gotten the hint why she hadn't replied last time. This time she couldn't ignore him, it wouldn't be fair.

 _Hi,_  
 _it's_ _fine,_ _I_ _just_ _didn't_ _know_ _what_ _to_ _say again._ _Life's_ _busy as a_ _touring_ _mother but_ _I_ _like it. Greet the guys_ _back_ _and thank_ _you_ _for_ _your wishes._  
 _Tarja._

And this time Tuomas replied really fast. Just as if he had waited for her to answer.

 _Hello_ _,_  
 _I was about to ask you last_ _time_ _already_ _but now_ _that_ _you've_ _said_ _it again it_ _really_ _burns_ _my_ _fingers to ask. Why_ _don't_ _you_ _know what_ _to_ _say? Sorry if_ _I'm_ _going too far again._

"Hm," Tarja mumbled. How couldn't he know why she didn't know what to say to him.  
Tarja typed a message about how unfair he had treated her and her husband over the years and finally kicking her out with an open letter. But she deleted it again. She couldn't bear any negativity on her birthday.

**September 14th 2014**

_Hi,_ _Tuo_ _,_  
 _yes, it_ _took_ _me a while to_ _reply_ _and_ _I'm_ _sorry. I think not_ _knowing_ _what_ _to write is becoming a habit of mine :_ _')_  
 _See,_ _I was a little_ _surprised_ _about the fact_ _that_ _you_ _just texted me like_ _that_ _, without a word about what happened, just as if nothing has happened._ _You wanted to talk but in my_ _opinion_ _we had_ _nothing_ _to talk_ _about_ _._

Tarja sighed. Should she send it? Should she write anything else?  
No, she decided and sent it.  
And Tuomas' answer, which she received about an hour later, was short and without formalities.

_What about my long message from Christmas three years_ _ago_ _?_

"What?" Tarja said loudly. Long message?   
Christmas three years ago - _O_ _h!_  
Tarja felt like slapping herself.  
Of course. That message she had thought of a prank, that message she had deleted irrevocably.

 _Hi,_ _Tuo_ _, thx for_ _your_ _answer. Sadly_ _I_ _don't_ _have a message_ _from_ _that date, maybe someone who handles_ _my_ _email account deleted it. Sorry._ _Could_ _you send it again?_  
 _Regards._

She felt terrible when lying, especially because she knew that Tuomas would hate on Marcelo for "deleting" his message. She prayed that Tuomas still had the message (she would understand if he didn't) from three years ago and waited.

**October 3rd 2014**

_Hei, Tarja. It took me a while to find the message and_ _I_ _was close to writing of it all again. But_ _I've_ _found_ _it at last, so here it is_ _:_

 _Dear Tarja._  
 _It's_ _Christmas_ _again and all_ _I_ _can think about is you. Of course,_ _we've_ _spent_ _Christmas_ _together for years and this way_ _I'm_ _not surprised_ _that_ _I_ _miss_ _you like hell. I understand if you_ _don't_ _want to reply to this message but at least take a few_ _minutes_ _to read_ _it_ _. Afterwards you can do whatever you want to,_ _print_ _it and burn it, delete it, show it to your husband, publish it ..._ _I_ _deserve_ _everything_ _you want to do to me and_ _more_ _. There is_ _no_ _excuse for_ _what_ _I've done to you and it keeps me awake_ _almost_ _every night._  
 _How's_ _Tarja?_ _I'm_ _asking_ _myself_ _every_ _day._ _I_ _s_ _she_ _alright? Should_ _I_ _contact her?_ _What_ _if she_ _doesn't_ _want to_ _speak_ _to me? I need to know if she's okay._  
 _I hope you are okay over there._ _I've_ _been_ _following_ _the news a bit and saw that_ _you're_ _busy_ _with_ _publishing albums. Congratulations, really._ _I'm_ _proud of you,_ _I_ _hope_ _I'm_ _allowed to say_ _that_ _. I_ _haven't_ _had the time to listen to them yet and also_ _I_ _don't_ _know_ _if you_ _would_ _want_ _me_ _to listen. If you want me to,_ _I_ _will immediately._  
 _Also_ _I_ _saw that you_ _almost_ _never_ _come_ _here. Don't_ _you_ _miss Finland_ _at_ _all? The cozy cold,_ _the_ _beautiful_ _snow_ _, the wonderful and friendly people? :)_  
 _(_ _I'm_ _joking_ _. I do_ _understand_ _why you_ _prefer_ _Argentina... though you_ _know_ _that_ _I'm_ _a Finn through and through.)_  
 _Tarja,_ _you're_ _really missed here. Not only me, also the guys really miss you._ _Emppu_ _doesn't_ _say a word about you but_ _I_ _know_ _he misses you. You two were really close_ _and_ _I_ _hate that_ _I've_ _made you drift apart._  
 _... so here_ _comes_ _the awkward_ _part_ _._  
 _Listen ..._ _I_ _know my reaction was a little rushed but_ _I_ _was hurt and sad_ _and_ _concentrated all those feelings on you._ _Now_ _I_ _know_ _I_ _shouldn't_ _have._  
 _You have done_ _nothing_ _wrong_ _, Tarja,_ _that's_ _what came to me_ _after_ _years_ _of_ _thinking_ _..._ _I'm_ _slow,_ _you've_ _always known that._  
 _I know_ _there's_ _nothing in this world that_ _can_ _make these happenenings undone but let me at_ _least_ _try to apologise. Okay, here we go ..._  
 _I'm_ _sorry, Tarja._ _I'm_ _sorry_ _for_ _saying all_ _those_ _things in_ _that_ _letter_ _,_ _I'm_ _sorry for giving it to you like_ _that_ _._ _I'm_ _sorry for blocking you out, not talking to you, ignoring you,_ _screaming_ _at you ..._ _I_ _treated you so bad and_ _it_ _haunts me. You_ _didn't_ _deserve_ _it_ _, you only deserve the best. I am such an egoistic idiot ..._ _wasn't_ _it you who called me like that? Egoistic idiot. Well,_ _you're_ _right_ _._ _I'm_ _sorry_ _for_ _calling_ _you cold hearted and a diva, you were no diva. Just a woman._ _I'm_ _sorry_ _for_ _seeing you as one of my guy friends_ _rather_ _than a woman. Would explain_ _why you_ _weren't_ _always pleased by what_ _we've_ _done ..._ _I'm_ _sorry_ _for all this pain_ _we've_ _caused you. Especially me._ _I'm_ _sorry_ _for_ _the_ _pain I have caused you._ _Not_ _only the_ _most_ _recent thing but ... everything._  
 _So much has happened_ _during_ _the last years and_ _we've_ _made the same mistakes again with another_ _singer_ _. But she rose her_ _voice_ _and spoke_ _up_ _..._ _Only_ _then_ _I_ _realised_ _what I've done_ _wrong_ _. Wow ... everything. I feel so bad and_ _I_ _, again, understand_ _if_ _you never want_ _to_ _talk to me again._  
 _But maybe ... maybe_ _you'll_ _think of my apology. At_ _least_ _a bit._ _You_ _once_ _said you_ _could_ _forgive_ _us (_ _me_ _). Forgive but not forget._ _Remember_ _that? Maybe_ _that_ _time_ _has_ _come_ _. You_ _don't_ _have to_ _forget it_ _but if you could forgive me,_ _I_ _would_ _be so happy. Think_ _of_ _it, please, and tell me about your decision. And_ _if_ _you think that we have nothing to talk about,_ _I'll_ _leave you in peace._  
 _Forever._  
 _I wish you a_ _splendid_ _Christmas_ _and a happy new year._  
 _Best wishes,_  
 _Tuomas._

Tarja leant back. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, dripping down on her thighs, leaving wet stains on her jeans.  
Okay. Wow. Now she regretted deleting her message even more.  
"Oh, wow, Tuomas," she whispered and put her fingers on the keyboard, starting to type.

 _Tuomas,_  
 _Your message left me speechless. I am deeply sorry that you thought_ _I_ _haven't_ _replied_ _to it over the last_ _years_ _. You_ _know_ _me well enough to_ _know_ _that_ _I_ _would_ _never_ _ignore_ _such a message. My answer is_ _yes_ _,_ _I_ _was hurt and sad and angry at_ _you_ _for_ _everything_ _you've_ _done but_ _I_ _can_ _also assure you that_ _I_ _already_ _have forgiven you a_ _long_ _time ago. I am_ _not_ _a revengeful_ _person_ _, as you_ _know_ _._  
 _I_ _really_ _don't_ _know_ _what_ _else to say about this, at least_ _not_ _via e-mail. In_ _fact_ _we have a lot to talk about._  
 _Next time_ _I'm_ _in_ _Finland_ _,_ _I'll_ _inform_ _you._  
 _Greetings_ _, Tarja._

She realised that suddenly she really thought that they had a lot to talk about, unlike in her drafted message from before, in which she had said that they had nothing to talk about. Just like Tuomas had put it in his message.  
Tarja pressed the send button and waited for a while. After this long message, Tuomas must have been waiting for an answer.  
And really. His reply was short but promising:

_I will wait for your message, then. See_ _you_ _._

**January 11th 2015**

_Hi,_ _Tuo_ _!_ _I've_ _promised_ _to tell you when_ _I_ _would be in_ _Finland_ _and_ _I_ _always keep_ _my_ _promises. Maybe_ _you've_ _heard_ _it already but I was chosen into the jury of the_ _upcoming_ _The Voice of_ _Finland_ _season! I am honestly so excited :)_  
 _Anyway,_ _I_ _will be in Finland_ _for_ _some months then_ _so_ _maybe_ _you'll_ _be ready to meet me some_ _time_ _. Just tell me. See you!_

 _Hello, Tarja,_  
 _Really, The Voice? Wow,_ _didn't_ _think you could go further_ _down_ _than Eurovision._ _Just_ _kidding_ _. Sounds really_ _nice_ _,_ _I_ _will_ _watch_ _the upcoming season then ..._  
 _And about a meeting_ _I_ _have to check_ _my_ _schedules._ _We're_ _about_ _to publish a new_ _album_ _and to be honest_ _I'm_ _currently_ _planning_ _my wedding_ _._ _I'll_ _keep you_ _informed_ _._

Tarja stared at the message in shock. Tuomas had a girlfriend? And he would marry her??  
Her hands started trembling and she cursed herself that she felt that way - jealous. She was jealous!  
"Why, you stupid girl," she whispered to herself while shaking her head. "You're married yourself and you don't love Tuomas! I can't believe it. Be happy for him!"

 _Nice,_ she wrote back. _Maybe_ _your_ _fiancée would like to come along, then._ _Would_ _really_ _like_ _to_ _meet her!_

No lie. Tarja really wanted to meet her.

**March 1st 2015**

It was a rarely nice day in Helsinki when Tarja was sitting inside a little café, waiting for Tuomas and his wife-to-be to arrive.  
She hadn't informed herself about said woman, she had no idea how she looked and what her profession was. She had wanted to be completely indifferent about that relationship.  
No ... Tarja realised that she couldn't be indifferent. After many years she had finally accepted that Tuomas had loved her and now he was together with another woman, how could she feel indifferent about that? If she looked like Tarja? At least concerning her style? If she was a metalhead? A singer?  
Tarja was quite surprised as they entered the café, Tuomas and his fiancée.  
She was young. Maybe around thirty. She had red hair. She was taller than Tarja, almost as tall as Tuomas even. And she was pretty, very pretty.  
Tarja swallowed, almost taken aback. She waved at them shyly, signalling them where she was.  
And as they came closer, Tarja realised that her heart was actually racing.  
Tuomas looked _so handsome._  
With a bad conscience Tarja noticed how much she had missed these ocean blue eyes and this gentle smile. Tuomas was a very beautiful man and all of a sudden everything got back to her. All the feelings for this man, which she had hidden below the surface of her icy facade.  
But now he was here and he wasn't mad at her. He talked to her, he still considered her a friend.  
And he was engaged.  
Tarja looked at the red haired woman, who sat down opposite of Tarja. "I can't believe I would ever meet you!" she said, sounding really excited and reached out her hand. "I'm Johanna!"  
Tarja accepted the handshake. "Tarja."  
"I know!" Johanna laughed. "Tuomas has told me so much about you."  
"I'm sure he has only told you the bad things?" Tarja guessed and Johanna gasped.  
"God, no! Only the dirty things."  
"What?" Tarja's eyes darted to Tuomas, who looked just as shocked at his fiancée.  
"I haven't -," he started but Johanna interrupted him.  
"I was kidding. Damn, you should have seen your faces. No, actually he hasn't told me that much about you, that's why I'm very curious now. So, you two are friends again?"  
"I don't know," Tuomas muttered and looked at Tarja. "Are we?"  
"It's not that easy," Tarja sighed and then smiled at the songwriter. "But I would love to try it again."  
Tuomas' facial expression was beyond words, as Tarja told him.  
She felt heat rise up in her cheeks.  
"And how did you two meet?" she asked quickly, hoping that she was successfully hiding her embarrassing reaction.  
Johanna shouldn't notice that Tarja wanted to drown in Tuomas' eyes right now.


End file.
